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If you’re already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us! Things guys have right: Lesbians are great people. They are funny and interesting and deserve to be treated with respect. Things guys have wrong: You did not see two of them kiss at Mardi Gras that one time. A lesbian is a female who is sexually attracted to other females. Lesbians were thought to originate on the Greek isle of Lesbos.

Lesbians are like most females, except their ability to watch an entire episode of The View somehow co-exists with the ability to tell the difference between a phillips head and a standard screwdriver. The categories vary based on degree of feminimity. Butch – Butch lesbians are not faking it. Femme – The feminine counterpart to a butch. Lipstick – Lipstick lesbians are the hardest to detect.

They are usually just straight girls who fake being a lesbian because they think it helps the environment or something. The most important thing Elled Degeneres ever did was to become a lesbian. Realizing that she would never be a talented person, she became a lesbian in 1997. It was then that she understood that she was not an ugly actress, she was in fact a beautiful swan. By beautiful swan, we mean still just as ugly, but a lesbian, so it doesn’t matter.

She has since held a majority of the market share for on-air lesbians. She has a talk show now and is the new judge on American Idol. Rosie O’Donnell was first discovered by scientists in 1941. The Nazis attempted to open a portal to another world to summon demons to aid them in their war against Europe. Although the Nazis were unsuccessful, we know that Rosie O’Donnell did escape into our world. Scientists raised Rosie O’Donnel on a diet of beef jerky and chitterlings.