Think you got what it takes to write for Cracked. Then submit an article or some other pieces of content. Hey, why can’t I vote on comments? Cracked only karate video lessons for children comment voting to subscribing members.
If you’re already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. The Best, Most Underrated Lines From Shows And Movies, Pt. If you’re under the age of 50, chances are you received most of your life guidance from teen movies. By the time you even entered a high school, you had probably learned enough to recognize the vital importance of prom, high school football and avoiding girls in whipped-cream bikinis. The person you love doesn’t love you back? Well, according to teen movies, it’s probably because you dress in clothing that reflects your individuality, background and personal style.
The solution couldn’t be any simpler: Just completely erase any external evidence of your personality, and physically transform yourself into whatever you think your crush will like. In Grease, innocent Sandy breaks up with John Travolta after he tries to pressure her into sex. For some reason, she immediately regrets this rash decision and sets about remaking herself in the image of the slutty women he seems to prefer. Is Sandy in love or the witness protection program? It’s not just women who are encouraged to erase their personalities, though. In American Pie, Chris Klein can’t lose his virginity until he totally transforms himself from a douchey jock into a douche bag who wears sweaters. Yeah she risked getting pregnant and took up a life threatening habit, but I’m wearing a fucking sweater over here.
In The Breakfast Club, the mysterious, silent Allison gets a makeover that transforms her from standard “cute goth” to “hip and sexy,” which in the 80s meant that all of her clothes look like they’re made out of pillowcases. Guy who’s not to be trusted around children. Popular jock Andrew, who up until this point has regarded Allison as an unusually talkative piece of furniture, is immediately enamored, rewarding the former outcast by holding hands and kissing her. It’s the beginning of what we’re sure turned out to be a happy and long-lasting relationship. None of these, however, is as brutal as the 1999 film She’s All That, in which a popular student named Zach spends the film remaking the brooding, artistic classmate Laney to better fit the tastes of him and his friends.
The message being that women are interchangeable. Zach ultimately ends up winning Laney’s love, making the message pretty clear: If you can’t find a girl you like right away, you can pretty much just create one to suit you from scratch. So you’re a young woman attending a typical American movie high school, and you’re unhappy. Fortunately, the solution for female teen movie angst is both simple and close at hand. And that hand is wearing handcuffs.