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If you’re already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. If we’ve ever made you laugh or think, we now have a way where you can thank and support us! There’s nothing quite as bittersweet as reliving the pop culture of your youth. On the one hand, childhood movies are a portal back to a time when you thought the world was fair and good and that dreams could come true. I MENACINGLY FLAP MY MOUTH AT YOU.
This isn’t limited to movies you loved as a kid. As you pass college age and journey deeper into the dark, shrieking void known as “Pretending to Be a Responsible Adult,” your old favorite movies change even more. If you’re like me, you routinely spend part of your annual Christmas season watching Die Hard. He’s not one of those losers who sits around doing nothing while hostages are threatened or wants to negotiate like a tiny baby. But something starts to happen as one’s Christmases come and go. And what if my family really doesn’t like my cranberry-and-garlic eggnog? After he sees Hans Gruber’s gang of terrorists executing a hostage, Mr.
But step back from cinematic happy-ending conventions and ask: how easily could things have gone differently? What if Takagi was the only guy Hans and company planned on killing? Al Powell was tragically killed by a flying Christmas tape dispenser. When looking at a lot of teen movies — behind the dated fashion and awkward jokes about losing one’s virginity — you’ll spot an underlying assumption: that the injustice of one’s teenage years will somehow be automatically righted once your time in high school is over. Because I wasn’t popular for most of high school, I took it for granted that movies like this had at least a grain of truth to them: once high school was over, I assumed, everyone’s fortunes would change. The jerks would all be unsuccessful, while black-clad outcasts like me would finally get our time in the popularity zone. Everything would somehow right itself, thanks to this external force of teen-movie justice operating in the world.